Thursday, 21 February 2013

Home Alone

Been single now for 2 years. 2 years ago my heart was smashed into a million pieces. The one I thought I would grow old with hurt me more than anyone ever had before. I thought when I was first single that I would try and see if I could be with anyone else, unlucky for me he was the stalker kind. I put stop to that.....eventually.

I decided that I just needed some time being single, to heal properly and to just look after me. I'm glad I did, it was just what I needed. Then my ex husband reared his ugly head and threatened me. That was the last straw, I couldn't take it. My therapy started not long after. I thought it would be best to still stay single but I did go on the odd date but they never came to anything and that is ok.

I have come along such a long way and in some twisted way, my heart being broken somehow led me to here. Why I don't know.

Recently my views have changed. I have had my fair share of guys asking me if I want to 'just have some fun' but I'm sorry, I'm better than that. Not that I see anything wrong with people who just want a bit of fun. I had that phase in my life but it isn't what I want now. I want to be important enough to be the only one but is that too much to ask for? Maybe it is and maybe I will be home alone for years to come. In saying that I don't want some serious relationship either. Somewhere in between would be nice.

So what really is my post about. I don't have a clue, I'm just letting the mess in my head come out in words so I can try make some sense of it all.

In some ways I'm starting to feel much stronger in myself and I have more respect for myself than I ever have. I'm not quite as strong as the person everyone else sees but I am getting there, slowly but surely.

I never thought I would be able to feel anything for another human being. I didn't want to feel anything for anyone because that would mean my heart was at risk of being broken again. I feel like I have only just managed to hold it together and it can't take any more hurt or pain. So what happens when Minxy eventually gets a crush on someone. She keeps it to herself, too scared of getting hurt.....again :( I could tell him that I like him but I guess I'm just scared. If you were to draw the person I described was my ideal man, then it would be him. He just floats my boat in every way. So handsome and my god the most amazing eyes I have ever seen. Just now we are very new friends and I don't want to jeopardise that with him thinking I'm some crazy woman! So much for being a stronger woman eh? The old, old Minxy would have at least let him know so he could decide for himself but I don't think I'm ready for any sort of rejection right now. So for now I will sit home alone till the next time we are at the same day/night out and can casually bump into him. If there is a god, he could just let him know I like him and save me a whole load of pain!

Why me eh? Haven't I been through enough? Time Minxy got given a break. I just hope that I haven't had my little slice of happiness.


  1. If I could send you Happiness and good Karma, I would pile it upon you in abundance. :o)

  2. @Richard thank you, I appreciate that.

    On reading it back it actually made me sad. Realised that I still don't really know 'me' yet, hopefully soon.